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The man who has taken your virginity is always going to be special. How do you cut all those ties without casting yourself asunder? I knew I would cry when it happened. When I let the guillotine fall on his happy heart I knew it would be nasty. He would beg and plead and ask for something I was incapable of giving? Probably I would cry rivers tomorrow, hugging my pillow in weakness. Tonight I would hold back the flood of tears and give him his final minutes. I would get a grip, hide that welling tear, wear a plastic smile and let him have me one last time. I needed to let him pretend that I would still be his when the fall sun rose in the morning. Some people are oblivious to the equinox, even when it stares them in the face. Why am I so here and there? Why am I tossing and turning and feeling all out of sorts? My mother says she suspects I’m a Gemini, equal parts of wanting thrills and wanting stability, a girl here and yet over there. A girl thirsty for love and yet wanting her. “You're not worried that Jarrad might wake up?” Ashley asked. She relaxed her arms and lay flat on her back on the bed. “Let him look,” Brad proclaimed as his hand circled Ashley's breasts and played with her nipples.“So you'd be okay with him watching us?”“Like I said this afternoon, if it's okay with you, it's okay with me.”Ashley closed her eyes in reaction to the pleasure she was feeling. “Yeah, but what if he wants to play too?” she asked.Brad reached down with his other hand and pulled her leg out from under her, extending it on the bed. As before he slowly caressed her leg but then let his fingers wander up her inner thigh. “That would have to be up to you,” he carefully said.Ashley rolled over on her stomach, looking in astonishment at Brad. “Are you sure you mean that?” she quizzed.“Well, I think I do,” he allowed. “But I'm not sure it matters tonight anyway.” He cupped his ear, calling Ashley's attention to the snoring that was coming from the other couch.Ashley put her.
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